Feng Shui

Whaaaaa whaaaa whaaaa...I am soooo fustraited once again...It seems that my life can be and is at time mystical joke. Sigh...I know this sounds like some whiney rant about how the world is injustice. It appears to be that the Feng Shui  of my life is not in balance. I am curently not sure how to get in back in to the moment where bunnies, butterflies, and flowers bloom at my feet.

I turned 31 a couple of days ago and looked back...jeez where is all the crap I said I would do? 

1) I am once again over weight about 85 lbs over
2) I am divorced and cannot stick in a relationship
3) sooooooooo over stressed I just cant stand myself
4) Way to burn to give a damn.

OKAY!!!! thats it! I am changing; however, it all has to start on the inside of me. I figured people write dripple in their daily diaries, I needed a daily diary to write in myself. So let the healing begin!

Little about me I am a single mother...never thought I'd a be a mother at all however, the shoes have been tied. I love my kids, I love my kids, they are fustraiting and anger me but I love my kids. They give me smiles love and sometimes make me say "WWWWWWWWWHAAAAATTTT!!???"

I never really was sure that I wanted to be a mother, so I get really really angry when people think that I am not a good one. People can give you a bunch of advice on how to raise your child better, HAHAHHAHA. Lemme be the first to tell you that even Dr. Spock, had a bad egg. I shouldn't speak ill of the dead but seriously, you really think you can give someone else advice on their children, get your head examined. I have worked with children for 13 years now;  lemme tell you each child is different, each parent is different. It is up to you to decide for your child. Don't let someone else tell you that your not a good parent and give you advice on what may or may not work.

I have been single off and on for 4 years...quite frankly it is time to find someone to gather my life up with nurture the part of me that isn't dead. I have been sooooo bitter and incomplete since my divorce the minute that I believe I let someone else in....I find a way to demolish it. Same with manly friendships that get tooooo close. I believe that Daniel is the only male friend I have that I haven't pushed away. He makes me feel comfortable and needed. Weird huh. I have sought help for this particular weirdness, alas! It has not worked.

What is wrong with me...I do want to be complete with someone. I want men to find my age and body attractive. Usually they do, but it is never the right kind of guy. So I am doing what all the books say to do I am on a mission to find the right kind of guy. May take me another 4 years but he's out there and he is looking for me too.  Or I just might be married 10/10/2010. Who knows Ill keep who ever is going read this updated. Again this is where my mother wants me to settle. But to that I say "I'd rather be the crazy goat lady.." before I allow that to happen again. Not that I settled but I believe If I would have waited then...well I would have found that guy that would have introduced me to a guy who knew a guy that set me up with his 3rd cousin once removed and that guy would have had a friend who would have been my prince :) sigh...one to hope and wish.
[yep that's me]
Now the fat issue...I am a proclaimed overeater. When I get sad candy, pop and all the other yummy junk passes through my lips to my gullet.  I have planned a hiking trip and there is noooo way I am lugging a backpack and all this fat with me. I would be dead because knowing my luck I'd be mistaken for a boulder. Besides my hiking buddy is fit and I need to keep up with him. I want to walk until my legs fall of lol.

The GOAL:

Loss a mini. of 53 lbs by March 30

That gives me 3 months.

make meal plans

work out [that I know how to do]

DO IT ALL FOR ME!

                                                                                          This would be my
                                                                                           hiking buddy,
                                                                                              Bobby.
Well thats it for me
Later days :)
AL